Addressing People By Their First Name (when you do not know them)

Here are a couple excerpts (along with my commentary) from an excellent editorial from the Washington Post which addresses the issue of calling or addressing people by their first name (when you don’t even know them) and denying them a title of respect.

“The practice of denying titles of respect to people violates the most basic requirement of manners, which is to show respect for others. [Addressing people by their first name] happened in a period when the bizarre notion prevailed that the pretense of a universal friendship would solve the word’s problems. When it was recognized that forms of address needed to be equalized, granting titles of respect to all was bypassed.”

On the other hand, the proponents of the “pseudo-friendship model” would argue,

“It has been said that the sweetest sound to anyone's ear is the sound of one's own name.  Dale Carnegie in his book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” says that the fundamental act of calling other people by their name puts you solidly on course to establish a sincere relationship with that person.”

There’s a time and place for everything.  People in sales for example want and desire to establish a “sincere relationship” with the person they are speaking to (for obvious reasons) – but building a “relationship” with someone you do not even know should start or begin with respect for that person and not by taking the presumptive and impertinent liberty of assuming you are already “buddies” or “friends” with one another; especially when it’s by telephone or e-mail and you don’t even know or have never met the person.

It’s a good idea and practice to start off more formally (and with respect for the person you are first speaking to) and build your way towards more familiar forms of address or discourse with that person.  Start off with “Mr. / Mrs. / Ms.” (or professional titles such as; Dr. Smith, Congressman Smith, Pastor Smith, Reverend Smith, etc) then at some point you may ask the person if it’s OK for you to refer to them or call them by their first name.  If they give you the green light or OK on that, then you should be “in like Flynn” from that point onward.   ;  )

You wouldn’t walk up to the President of the United States and say, “Hey Barack, how are you doing?” – it would be “Mr. President …”

Just some food for thought and consideration…

Brian

(or should that be Mr. O’Malie ?)